theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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