...so i touched it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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