im drinking this country out of the recession.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
