Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
