he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
