and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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