just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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