farters have to be the big spoon...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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