went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize