got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
