When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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