Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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