Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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