someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
