we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
