you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize