yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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