No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
