oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
