He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
