The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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