its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
