Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
