The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize