Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
