dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
