She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
