Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
