it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize