its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
