i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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