maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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