Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
