Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
