i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
