check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How's work?
Spinning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
