I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
