so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
