I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize