Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
