im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
