And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
