Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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