He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
