You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize