I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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