he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
