4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
