Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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