Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
