Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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