glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
