your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
