i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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