I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
