I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
