i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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