i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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