Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's blow job season.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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