dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
