I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
