I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
