the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
