Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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