Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
