I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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