god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
