just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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