everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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