It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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