she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
