Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
