Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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