He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
