So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
