I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
