I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're like the curious george of whores
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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