i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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