Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
