OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
