I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
