lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think i got beer on your cat.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
