Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
