I can text with my tongue
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
