I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
