She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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