You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
