ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize