I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This baby is an asshole
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He better not be in your backpack
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
