plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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