I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
