low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
