The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
