Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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